LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, "THE ERIC ANDRE SHOW"!
[ SPEAKING IN TONGUES ]
ALL RIGHT!
TONIGHT ON THE SHOW, WE GOT
SHERMAN HEMSLEY!
WE GOT LEONA HELMSLEY!
WE GOT LEONA LEWIS!
WE GOT LEWIS BLACK!
WE GOT JACK BLACK!
FRANK BLACK! FRANK OCEAN!
OCEAN PHILLIPS! PHILIP RIVERS!
RIVERS CUOMO! MARIO CUOMO!
MARIO BATALI!
ANYONE YOU [BLEEP] WANT --
AH [BLEEP]
C'EST LA VIE. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU KNOW HIM AS KATY PERRY'S HUSBAND --
MR. RUSSELL BRAND!
HELLO, ERIC!
HOW ARE YOU, BROTHER? OKAY. FIRST, THE REAL QUESTION I WANT
TO ASK YOU.
"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" --
LITTLE SCARY HOSTING THAT?
I STARTED GETTING TRULY
CAMERA-SHY.
YEAH, WE ALL GO THROUGH IT.
STAGE FRIGHT.
I'M GONNA COOK THAT FOR YOU.
OH, MAN.
[ Chuckling ] MINUS ONE.
YOU HAVE SEX WITH A LOT OF
WOMEN.
ARE YOU AFRAID OF DISEASES?
WELL, NOT WHEN YOU ALREADY
HAVE THEM.
I DON'T THINK RUSSELL BRAND
IS HANDLING SUCCESS WELL.
UH, WHAT WAS THE PROCESS FOR
"FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL"?
I HEARD THAT WAS, LIKE, YOUR BIG
FIRST BREAK.
♪ IRENE, GOOD NI-I-I-GHT ♪
♪ GOOD NIGHT, IRENE, GOOD NIGHT,
IRENE ♪
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU EATING,
MAN?
STRAWBERRIES AND HAM.
IT'S MY FAVORITE COMBINATION OF
FOODS.
I'M GOING TO HEAVEN.
WELL, THAT'S FANTASTIC.
WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH,
RUSSELL, FOR COMING IN.
THANKS!
RUSSELL BRAND, EVERYBODY.
RUSSELL.
UM, MY -- MY CHEEK SHOW IS
GETTING...VERY, VERY POPULAR...
ON THE SIDEWALK.
TAKE CARE, RUSSELL.
COME BACK SOON!
BYE! HAVE ME AGAIN!
HOW DO YOU FEEL RIGHT NOW? I FEEL PRETTY GOOD.
I FEEL KIND OF HOW I FELT
WHEN I WAS IN BLOOMINGTON,
INDIANA, AND I WENT TO THE MOVIE
THEATER AND I WAS WATCHING
"LIMITLESS," AND THEN, 20
MINUTES IN, THE FILM BURNED, AND
I WASN'T ABLE TO SEE THE REST OF
THE MOVIE.
THAT'S HOW I FEEL NOW.
HMM.
I HADN'T REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT
LIKE THAT.
BAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
IT'S THE HALFWAY POINT OF THE
SHOW!
AAAAAAAAAAAH!
IT'S TIME FOR SOME WACKY NEWSPAPER ARTICLES.
OKAY, WHAT DO WE GOT? "KILLER'S MAPS LEADS TO VICTIMS'
REMAINS."
WHAT, ARE WE ON A SCAVENGER
HUNT, FOLKS?
IT'S A DARK STORY, MAN.
YOU -- I DON'T KNOW IF YOU
SHOULD TALK ABOUT IT LIKE THAT.
LOOK AT THIS ONE.
"PASTOR'S DAUGHTER STRUCK AS GUN
ACCIDENTLY GOES OFF."
HEY, GUYS, AT LEAST WE CAN LEAVE
CHURCH A LITTLE EARLY AND CATCH
THE REST OF THE FOOTBALL GAME.
AM I RIGHT, FELLAS?
I DON'T KNOW IF I LIKE BEING
ASSOCIATED WITH THIS.
UH...WHAT DO WE GOT HERE?
BRITTA-BRUDDA-BROODA
BRITTA-BRUDDA-BROODA.
CAN'T UNDERSTAND A WORD OF IT.
IT'S LIKE, HIRE A PROOFREADER,
GUYS.
COME ON.
LET'S BE A LITTLE PROFESSIONAL.
[ Laughing ] JUST RIFFING.
WE SHOULD BE WRITING INSTEAD
OF RIFFING.
THAT WAS A MISSTEP.
YOU THINK SO?
ALL OF IT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
THIS IS PRETTY LOWBROW.
OH, IS THAT WHAT IT WAS?
YEAH.
HEY, REMEMBER WHEN I DID
THOSE JOKES BEFORE?
IT WAS TIGHT, RIGHT?
NAH, I JUST TOLD YOU THAT I
DIDN'T LIKE THAT.
OH [BLEEP]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FORMER LOS ANGELES LAKER MR. RICK FOX!
ALL RIGHT! OH-HOO-HOO!
THE [BLEEP] YOU DOING, MAN?
N-NOTHING.
YO, YOU REMEMBER
DENNIS RODMAN?
AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
YO, THIS IS AWESOME. WHAT, UH...
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
THIS DUDE IS CRUSHING IT.
UH, I'M ERIC.
TELL ME YOUR NAME ONE MORE TIME.
HANNIBAL.
YO, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, MAN?
I'M ON A TV SHOW?
OH, YEAH.
YOU'VE CONTRACTED MEMENTO... OF THE WHACK-FONT VARIETY. GOT TO GET THAT [BLEEP] CHECKED
OUT.
WHAT'S NEXT ON THE SHOW?
WHAT'S NEXT ON THE [BLEEP]
SHOW?!
TELL ME!
AAAAH!
AAH!
AMI.
[ SPEAKING FRENCH ]
C'EST LA VIE! SUR LA TABLE! C'EST LA VIE! IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN, DUDE.
YOU GOT TO GO. GO!
SUR LA TABLE.
SUR LA TABLE!
NO!
DUDE.
C'EST LA VIE!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU'VE SEEN HER ON "TERMINATOR 3," "THE L WORD," AND "BURN NOTICE."
PERFORMING STAND-UP COMEDY FOR
US TONIGHT, ACTION STAR
KRISTANNA LOKEN, EVERYBODY!
HERE'S TO HAVING ANAL SEX. STICK IT WHERE SHE LEAST
EXPECTS.
[BLEEP] HER SO HARD, MAKE HER
BUTT CHEEKS FLEX.
GRAB HER SISTER, TELL HER SHE'S
NEXT.
THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH FOR YOUR
SUPPORT.
AAAAAAAAAH!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME OUR MUSICAL GUESTS --
AIR-GUITAR CHAMPIONS JEFF ALLIN
AND VERNON QUARTEHL, EVERYBODY!