Tony fucked up, Sid fucked up, Jal's fucked up worse than any of us
but it doesn't all have to turn to shit.
I'll love you for ever, Sid.
You will?
Yes. That's the problem.
EVERYONE
Oh, I'm loving that.
Oh, yeah, Cassie.
Great.
Mmm, yeah.
... little finger.
Sid.
Yeah, and your thumb.
Tony.
Hi.
How come I...?
You locked yourself out.
Right. So I came here.
You'd been drinking - you thought we were still best friends.
How come we were drinking?
We all went out - it was Chelle's idea to cheer up Jal.
Well, take her mind off it, anyway.
And did it?
No.
Final question - my hand being on my bollocks...
That's just you.
Right.
You should forget about her.
- Who? - Cassie.
- What? Who's talking about her? - She's gone. It's time to move on.
I've already forgotten about her. I haven't thought about her for days.
All right.
I'm just saying.
Yeah, I hear what you're saying, Tone, but, well
one - I wasn't talking about her,
B - today's about A - Chris and B - results,
so that leaves no room for 3 - Cassie,
and D - it's none of your business.
I got that slightly confused.
- If you wanna talk... - Why would I want to talk to you?
Actually, there is one thing...
Yeah?
Are you naked, too?
No, again, that's just you.
Right, well,
I know it's your bedroom, but would you mind getting out of bed first?
OK, Sid.
- You all right, Mum? - Sid.
Sid, where have you been?
I've been up all night - I'd thought you'd done something stupid.
I forgot my keys. I slept at Tony's. I didn't wanna wake you.
Sid... are you OK?
Yes.
I know today's gonna be difficult.
When we buried your Dad...
- Mum! - It's just...
I could call in sick, if you like.
If you wanna talk.
Sid, wait!
This came for you.
And this.
Looks like girl's handwriting.
So... this is odd.
You... me...
my bedroom... my bed.
I need answers, Cassie.
I need answers right now!
Can I speak to Sid Jenkins, please?
You are.
Oh, you're Sid?!
Oh! I imagined you'd be fatter for some reason,
with bigger ears!
Facebook. I looked you up on Chris' Facebook,
you left more comments in his... box
than any of the other children.
Don't have any photos of you there, though, do you?
Just little pictures of Batman characters.
- I like Batman. - Right.
Sorry, but who are you?
Oh, did I not introduce myself? I'm Graham, Graham Miles.
- You're Chris' dad. - Yes, that's right. Can I come in?
So...
Would you like a drink? I've got more or less everything.
Um, tea, coffee, whisky, beer,
orange, apple... chocolate milk.
No! Thanks. I'm fine.
I've come about the funeral.
Right.
You see, the thing is,
I've got a lot of relatives coming to this funeral...
Sid.
Some from as far away as Basingstoke.
Yes. And they remember Chris as a kind, gentle fun-loving boy,
and I'd really like to maintain that image.
And I think the best way of maintaining that image
is you not coming.
What?
I don't want you at the funeral.
Any of you... friends.
We, um, we won't spoil anything.
I mean, and Chris, he was totally a fun-loving guy...
Don't tell me what my son was!
I know what he was. And I know what you are.
The junkie friends who brought him down with them.
But...
I'm his father. It's my son's funeral -
you will respect my wishes, is that clear?
- Crystal. - Good.
I'll find my own way out.
- He can't do this! - If we talked to him...
- He's a psycho! - Right.
Chris is our friend. You know, it's our funeral.
Don't take it so personally - he's just throwing his weight around.
Fuck you!
No, Sid. I know how you feel.
Like you do! You don't know how I feel these days. Postcards...
fucking results, and dads.
And now we're not allowed to bury our friend. And you don't even care!
So why are you here?
Sid, what do you want me to do?
No, I didn't...
I don't know.
It's just...
I never get to say goodbye.
But, you know, you're right.
Sid and Tony, Tony and Sid - it's pathetic.
Me coming to you all the time, hoping for what? What am I?
- Your fucking... - Look, it's fine.
We'll have our own funeral.
Yeah, great(!)
A funeral with no coffin.
And then we'll sit around singing Kumba-fucking-ya.
So let's steal it.
What?
Let's steal...
the coffin.
What?
We're going to steal Chris' funeral.
Anwar?
Anwar, are you masturbating?
Mum!
Sorry.
Thought it was a more interesting thing to ask than "Are you asleep?"
If you have to ask "Are you asleep?" the chances are they are asleep.
But with masturbating who can be sure?
So?
What?
So what?
We made a pact, Mum. No results until after the funeral.
Mark of respect.
I can boil a very hot pan, steam it open. No-one will know.
I'll know.
If the grades aren't good you can always work with your father.
I know.
You look very handsome, my son.
I'll make kulfi with lunch, special.
You just...
go back to what you're doing.
Do some more masturbating.
Right.
Jal.
Jal, shall we get dressed?
Funeral's at three.
Have you ever climbed inside a duvet cover?
Yeah.
Will you?
Yeah.
Well, this is nice.
Like we're at a sleep-over...
I had the abortion.
OK.
I would have come with you.
No. I needed to do it alone.
OK.
I think we should get out of here.
I want to stay.
I know somewhere we can go.
Zoos are a great place to think about stuff.
Yeah?
Yeah.
It's just...
it's weird, because...
I get my grades, succeed,
and I'm off to York. And Tony goes to Cardiff
and we're 600 miles apart, and that doesn't feel like success.
It doesn't feel like much reward.
You think I've made a mistake, don't you?
You do. I know you, Michelle.
I think you've made the hardest decision I've known anyone to make.
That's what I think.
Why are we here?
Special treat?
Take my mind off it? Because I'm not ten and I don't like animals.
No.
We're not here to take your mind off it.
This is where I first met Chris.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I was seven. His mum got talking to mine
and he was this funny little kid with his hands down his pants
doing impressions of the fish.
I don't know if he thought he could talk to them or...
I'm not saying forget about him,
because you can't and you shouldn't.
He was special.
But I just think...
fuck it.
What?
Like Chris. He said, "Fuck it.
"I'll do it my way.
"And the people that love me will understand why I'm doing it
"because they love me. Fuck it."
Come on.
You don't think he'd say exactly that if he was standing here?
He'd probably be too busy talking bollocks about the fish.
"Fuck it" for Chris?
OK. "Fuck it" for Chris.
Say it like you mean it.
Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it!
Come on, Jemima!
Fuck it.
Here we are.
Is this him?
No. It's me as a boy.
Nice-looking boy.
Not nice-looking...
It's just it looks like you had...
have a nice personality.
Um... Obviously attractive.
I'm not saying that you weren't.
It's quite rare...
to have a funeral without a woman.
A mother, a sister.
A girlfriend, a wife.
- It's a bit of a novelty really. - His mother left.
And his stepmother.
Oh, right.
It's nice though, isn't it? Father burying his son.
It's... not nice.
It's a nice... novelty for me though.
Right.
Very powerful bond, fathers and sons.
It's like mothers and daughters,
but different. Less oestrogen.
He just... he just stole my son.
Get in, you tit.
Fuck.
He's really gone.
Yeah.
You know, we could get in real trouble for this. It might be...
We need to say goodbye, Sid.
We all do.
Thing is, though,
after this there's fuck all to say goodbye to.
Chris gone, Dad gone,
fucking Cassie.
You and me, we're...
Yeah.
- What are we, Sid? - Tony...
Shit. Shit! It's him!
We're under control.
Holy fuck, Tone!
Turn right!
Shut up, Sid.
How close are they?
Very fucking close.
Tony. Tony!
Oh, fuck.
- Sid, are you buckled in? - Yeah, why?
Shit!
I think we lost him.
We have. We fucking have!
Mate.
You OK?
No. I feel uncomfortable.
You're my boyfriend and we're gonna be living together.
That makes you one of us.
There's no need to feel uncomfortable.
Maxxie, there's a coffin in the room.
How's that not uncomfortable?
What's going to happen to those fish? I mean,
someone's got to take 'em.
Hi.
Hi, Maxxie.
We've had a really good morning.
Yeah, we had a pretty interesting time, too.
Is that what I...
What the fuck is that doing here?
Funny story actually.
Chris's dad came to see me and he said we couldn't go to the funeral
because we were all junkies, so I went to Tony, and Tony...
What the fuck have you done?
- The thing is, Jal... - Give it back.
- What the fuck were you thinking? - You didn't hear him.
He wouldn't bury Chris as Chris. We did this for Chris.
- You did it for who? - I'm not saying...
What right have you? You stupid, stupid...
- You're not listening. - No, you're not listening.
There's other ways to do this.
Give it back.
Now!
But...
You do as she says.
OK.
Here we are.
I did say sorry, didn't I?
Wasn't your fault.
I didn't...
think to lock the boot. You know, you just...
don't think.
I'm not a thinker. I don't think.
Why would they do this to me?
ASBO culture.
Or Arabs. It's one of the As.
My son, it was my son.
Well, the police are on their way. They'll find it.
Him.
It. The coffin.
How am I going to explain this?
Right, I'm going to need an empty coffin and some ballast.
Oh, right. Ballast?
I've got relatives coming expecting a funeral. It's the only solution.
Oh, no, it isn't.
- I think I know what's best. - Well...
the best just got better.
I suppose we'll just have to hope it's the right coffin.
I didn't know anywhere else to go.
I worked hard. I worked really hard.
And then these.
What grades did you need?
Have you ever played the five-year test?
What? No, I don't think so.
It's not that wanking game, is it?
Maxxie. Where do you think he'll be in five years' time?
Easy. Dancing in a London show.
Jal?
Playing the clarinet in some really good orchestra.
Michelle?
Working some slick jobs in some fine suits.
Now you.
Where do you see yourself in five years?
Haven't thought about it, have you?
No. I'll be with my friends, having a laugh.
Somewhere.
But don't you get it?
They've got their plans, their futures.
And you're not in them.
And you're so much better, are you? Made any plans, have you?
I'm going to stay here, and there's nothing wrong with that.
They'll smile every time you call them,
they'll just take longer to return your calls.
Being left behind, Anwar, that's not such a big problem.
You'll just have new friends.
New friends like me.
I am the resurrection
and the life.
He who believeth in me, though he were dead, sayeth the Lord,
yet he shall live.
Deliver your servant Christopher...
I've been thinking about what Chris would have wanted me to say today.
The advice he'd give me.
Which would be something like,
"You know what, babe,
"fuck it.
"These guys know all about me. Tell them about someone different."
So I thought I'd say something about a hero of Chris's.
A man called captain Joe Katanga.
In 1960,
climbing into a foil balloon,
Captain Joe ascended 32 kilometres into the stratosphere.
And then,
armed only with a parachute,
he jumped out.
He fell for four minutes and 36 seconds,
reaching 740mph
before opening his parachute five kilometres above the earth.
It had never been done before. And has never been done since.
He did it just because he could...
- Keep going. - ... and that's why Chris loved him.
Because the thing about Chris was he said yes.
He said yes to everything.
He loved everyone.
For ever and ever, Amen.
He was the bravest boy...
man, I knew.
And that was...
He flung himself out of a foil balloon every day.
Because he could.
Because he was.
And that's why...
and that's why...
We...
We loved him.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
In sure and certain hope of the Resurrection, to eternal life.
Who are these people?
Arabs.
Graham, if you would like to put some soil on the coffin now.
- Toot on that. - Jal, you all right?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Results o'clock, I think.
Chris would want us to have a party, a proper blow-out
before you all leave.
But I'm leaving tonight.
Tonight?
Yes. Me and James are on the late coach to London.
There you go.
We're all busy.
Maybe at Christmas when we come back, yeah?
Right, then. No peeking.
Tony.
Three A's and a B.
Cardiff it is then.
Yeah, and if anyone gets me a Baa Baa Fuck Sheep, I'll kill them.
So, who's next?
Sidney.
B, C, C.
Yay, Sidney boy!
Good job.
Maxxie.
B, E.
B. Not bad.
I be, I be.
Nice one.
Chuck us the bag, Chell.
Jalanda.
It'll be fine, Jal.
Two A's and a C.
- Great stuff. - Well done, Jal.
Now give it here.
Well done, Jal.
Michelle...
B, A, A.
Well done.
-Looks like you're off to York. - Well played, Chelle.
Hang on, still one left.
Anwar.
- Where's he gone? - He was there a minute ago.
They've been opened.
He'll be fine. He worked really hard.
Two Es and a U.
How fine is that?
You were right what you said earlier.
Was I?
totally right.
I never came here to talk to you about that.
I came...
- I wanted to invite you ice-skating. - What?
Or to the cinema. Maybe bowling.
I've never been bowling before but I might be good, so...
Or we could eat something? Or do something?
Or we could have sex.
Bristol's our oyster.
Let's just...
Let's just start this life, shall we, Anwar?
Just handing nibbles around at the wake.
Said I'd gone to the toilet.
Wasn't good at it,
being his dad.
Some people just aren't built for parenthood, I guess.
It's used but there's probably some clean bits.
Sorry... Just...
You sound just like him.
He was my son.
So, I'm guessing, right, that you were his girlfriend?
Yeah.
Good, you seem like a nice girl.
Yeah, you would have liked me.
Sorry that I didn't invite you to the... funeral.
Fuck it.
The idea that you cared enough to ban us all.
He would have liked that.
You fought. For all the wrong reasons, but you fought.
No...
In some ways, today couldn't have gone better.
He doesn't want you to find him, does he?
He's my best friend.
I know but he'll be fine.
Hi.
Hey.
I just...
I just wanted to say goodbye and good luck.
Thanks.
Listen, it'll be really shit. We'll find the cheapest rooms
we can and we're going to have no money for food or booze but...
Fuck it. Why don't you come?
What?
It'll be fun.
And I really want you there.
But aren't I supposed to be deciding about my future?
Moving on and doing all that?
Fuck the future. Come to London, have a laugh.
You know I don't have any pants, right?
No-one wears pants in London. Come on. We need to roll.
What's that?
It's supposed to be lucky.
So, the three of us
in the car.
Together again.
Yeah.
We've seen each other naked.
Which is nice.
One small question. Where are we going?
Oh, yeah.
What's this?
Open it.
New York?
Why would I want to go to New York?
She's thin, she's blonde, she says "Wow" a lot.
It's over, Tone. Me and Cassie are done. You said so yourself.
Don't look at me.
You'll find her.
You just will.
Right. So...
this is it.
Right.
Good luck.
Right. Yeah.
Thanks for the ticket.
- Tony. - I know.
But three things, Sid.
One,
get rid of the hat. It makes you look retarded.
Two...
I always loved you the best, Sid.
Three.
I can't think of a three.
Passenger announcement. Can all remaining passengers
for flight AZ184 to New York proceed...
I'll miss my flight.
Yeah.
What if...?
What if?
What if...?
I'm not ready for this.
For what?
All of this.
But you sort of need to be.
You know, the first time I met you,
I knew.
I just
knew I wanted to have sex with you.
Fuck you.
We were good, weren't we?
We were better than that.
Excuse me, my name's Sid.
Excuse me, have you seen this girl?
Excuse me. Have you seen...? Excuse me, really sorry.
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