(I Love Lucy theme music plays)
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(theme song ending)
Good morning, honey.
Good morning.
What are you doing up at the crack of dawn?
It's only 9:30.
Well, I'm trying to get out of here
without that little monster from next door following me.
Little Peggy Dawson?
Yeah, yeah. I can't get rid of her.
Ever since she found out that I'm Ricky Ricardo,
she's like a spook.
No matter where I go, she's there.
She walks with me to the subway in the morning,
she shows up at rehearsal,
and the way she looks at me-- ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.
(laughing)
Well, you know how teenage girls are.
They get these fabulous crushes on men
for no reason at all.
Yeah, well, I...
What do you mean, "for no reason at all"?
Oh, you know what I mean.
She thinks the sun rises and sets in you.
Of course, I don't know where she ever got the idea
that you're the smartest, the handsomest
the most talented man in the whole world.
Neither do I.
There are a few other men smarter than I.
Why, you big ham!
Well, anyway, I can't go through this cow-eyed routine
for another morning.
I got to get out of here.
Oh, now, you've got plenty of time.
Nobody in their right mind would expect you to be up
for another two hours yet.
Oh, I guess you're right.
Drink another cup of coffee. I'll get your coat.
All right, honey. Thank you.
Am I going crazy or something?
No.
(screams)
Oh, Peggy!!-
Good morning... Ricky.
Good morning.
Did I startle you?
Oh, no, no.
I always wash my hands in the coffee every morning.
My, that's interesting!
Yeah. (chuckles)
You go right ahead and eat your breakfast.
Don't let me bother you.
Now, look, Peggy, I-l have something to say to you.
What?
Uh...
Well, now, look, uh, uh, Peggy,
y-you're a very sweet girl, dean
(squeals): Oh, you called me "dear"!
Now I can die happy.
Well, uh, look, look, Pe-Peggy...
Yes, Ricky darling.
I'll be right back.
(whispering)? Lucy, Lucy.
What?
This is not my day.
(chuckles)
Look, Lucy, will you do me a favor, honey?
(squeals): Oh, you called me "honey?
Oh, now I can die happy.
Now, cut it out, will you?
May I have your autograph, Ricky'?
Just tattoo it on my arm.
Now, that's enough of that, honey.
How am I going to get rid of her?
Why don't you disillusion her?
How?
Just go in there and be mean and nasty and unattractive.
-I'm not that good an actor. - Oh...
There must be some way.
Of course.
I know the perfect way for me to straighten her out.
How?
You talk to her.
- Me? - Yep. I got to go to rehearsal.
Good-bye, honey.
But, Ricky, what'll I say?
Well, honey, you're so clever, you'll think of something.
Good-bye.
Good-bye, you coward.
(screams)
Oh, Peggy...
Oh, Peggy, you scared me.
Is Mr. Ricardo ready to go to work?
He's gone.
Oh! Gosh, I'll have to catch up with him.
Oh, now, Peggy, wait a minute.
But I walk him to the subway every morning.
Yeah, well, he's a big boy now.
He can find it by himself.
Uh, sit down, Peggy.
I want to have a little talk with you.
All right.
That's a good idea, really.
I want to have a talk with you, too.
Now, look, Peggy...
Mrs. Ricardo, let's be adult about this.
I'm in love with your husband.
Are you sure about what you're saying, Peggy?
Do you know it's love and not infatuation?
Oh, yes.
My infatuations only last a little while.
This has been going on for two whole weeks.
"Two whole weeks."
Well, there's a little thing you overlooked, Peggy--
Ricky is married.
I know.
Doesn't that make it sophisticated?
Well, yes.
And he's so much more worldly than the boys I know.
Well, I should hope so.
He's a little older, too.
I know-- he's middle-aged.
What?
He must be pushing 23.
Yeah, he's pushing 23 all right.
In fact, he's pushed it all the way to 35.
I suppose you think that I'm pushing 23, too?
Oh, no.
A woman can always tell another woman's age.
Yes, well. . . now, about Ricky.
You know, there's another thing you overlooked, Peggy.
- What? - I love him, too.
(sighs)
I was afraid of that.
You're going to be terrific competition.
Well, thanks.
Gosh, you've got that certain something.
Well, that's, that's quite a compliment
but, uh, how would a girl your age know
that I have that certain something?
I can tell by the way my mother looks at my father
when my father looks at you.
I hope we can get this settled by Saturday night
so that Ricky can take me to the school dance.
Well, now, look, Peggy, I want to have a talk with you
not as a rival but as a... a...
A mother?
No, a friend.
Now, what about boys your own age?
Oh, they're all so icky.
They're icky, huh?
Yeah... except Arthur!
Arthur?
Arthur Morton.
He's wonderful.
He's got curly hair, big, sad eyes and floppy ears.
He looks like Gregory Peck.
Sounds more like Lassie.
But if you like Arthur so much,
why don't you go to the school dance with him?
Oh, he's too shy to ask me.
Well, why don't you ask him?
He doesn't know how to dance.
Oh. Well, how about this?
Now, suppose someone taught him to dance by Saturday.
Would you ask him to take you?
Oh, sure.
Okay, I'll teach him.
Do you still know how to dance?
I think I can recall a few variations on the turkey trot.
Now, look, you tell Arthur to come here right after school
and have his first lesson.
Okay. Oh, gosh, I'm going to be late.
Oh, uh, Mrs. Ricardo?
Yes?
Don't say anything about Arthur.
I don't want Ricky to know that I'm untrue.
Well, your secret is safe, Peggy-
Gee, you're keen.
- Bye. - Bye.
(door closes)
"Gee, you're keen."
(doorbell buzzes)
Arthur?
Come in, Arthur.
Come in.
How do you do?
I'm Mrs. Ricardo.
Won't you sit down?
Can I get you a drink of water?
Arthur, say something!
I think I'm going to faint.
Oh...
Now, nonsense.
There's nothing to be shy about.
I'm just going to teach you how to dance, that's all.
Well, look, we'll start this way.
Now, you just watch my feet.
Now, one, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
That's all there is to it.
Oh, is that all?
Yeah. Now, you try it.
Now, one, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
One, two...
Arthur, Arthur...
take shorter steps.
You'll be dancing with a girl, not an antelope.
Oh.
Now, try it again.
Now, one, two, three, four.
One, two, sidestep.
That's right, sidestep. That's it.
Gee, is this all there is to dancing?
Yes.
Well, this is easy.
Yeah, I knew you'd catch on.
There now.
Let's try it together.
(gasps)
Oh, now, come on, Arthur.
What are you going to do to me?
I'm not going to do anything to you.
We're just going to dance together.
You mean... just the two of us?
Yes, that's the usual number.
Mrs. Ricardo, I can't dance with you.
(chuckling): You're a... a woman.
Yeah, my husband likes me that way.
Well, I don't know... a... a woman...
Now, look, Arthur,
some people are men and some people are women.
They're made that way so they can dance together.
Now, come on. Take hold of me.
Oh, Arthur, we're not dancing the minuet.
Put your arms around me.
Oh, I couldn't.
Now, don't be silly.
Now, come on.
Now, just follow me.
Now, come on.
Now, one, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
Arthur, relax.
Relax, now.
Loosen up, come on.
Just let yourself go loose, that's all.
Now, just relax.
Now, come on, follow me.
Now, relax.
Now, be light on your feet, now.
Li-Light on my feet.
Yeah. Now, follow me.
One, two, three, four.
(toe cracks/screams)
Oh! Oh, gosh!
I'm sorry.
Oh, that's all right.
Okay.
Now, come on, let's try it again.
Light on my feet.
Yeah. Now, try it again.
Now, one, two, three, four.
One, two...
three, four... One...
(toe cracks/yells)
Oh! Oh!
I-I'm sorry. I did it again.
You don't think this last time broke it?
No, the first time broke it.
Well, I'll try to be more careful.
Okay, now, come on.
Light on my feet.
Yeah, light on your feet.
Come on.
One, two, three, four.
That's right, now you're getting it.
There, that's fine.
Now we'll try it with the music.
Well, Arthur, let me go.
Arthur, what's the matter with you?
Why don't you let me go?
I like it.
But, Arthur...
Mrs. Ricardo...
What?
I love you.
What do you mean, you love me?
I love you. I love you!
Arthur, relax, now, relax.
Calm down.
Now, relax.
Gosh, this is the first time
I've ever had my arms around a woman.
Now I know what all the fellas are talking about.
Now, Arthur.
I love you.
Stop saying that.
Now, Arthur, th-there's a big misunderstanding.
You'd better go now.
No, I'm never going away from you, ever.
Now, Arthur...
Let's dance some more.
No, no, you dance by yourself.
Oh, no.
Come on, now.
Let's see how much you've learned
and then, maybe I'll dance with you.
Now, go on.
Well... all right.
Now...
one, two, sidestep.
Three, four, sidestep.
That's it, sidestep.
Three, four, sidestep.
Sidestep, sidestep, sidestep.
That's it, sidestep, sidestep, three, four.
Sidestep, that's it.
(sighs)
(sidestepping continues)
The stairs!
Arthur, watch out for the st...
(crashes)
Oh, no!
Hi, honey.
Hi.
What's the matter?
I gave Arthur a dancing lesson.
Arthur? Arthur who?
Well, believe me, it wasn't Arthur Murray.
Would you mind telling a poor, confused Cuban
what you're talking about?
Well, after you left this morning,
I had that little chat with Peggy.
Yeah?
And she said that she liked a boy named Arthur Morton
-but that he didn't know how to dance. -Yeah?
So I had Arthur come over here
and I gave him a dancing lesson to get Peggy off your neck.
What are you whispering about?
If my feet ever find out that it was my idea,
they'll kill me.
Well, I knew you'd figure a simple way
to clear the entire situation.
Simple? I may never walk again.
Well, listen, honey, thank you very much.
Can I forget about Peggy now?
I hope so.
Hey, you know, this Arthur was so shy,
I practically had to lasso him to get him in here.
No kidding?
Yeah. It was really unbelievable.
And then, after we'd been dancing
for a couple of minutes, he suddenly looked me in the eye
and said, "I love you."
Oh, no.
Yeah.
That's very funny.
In love with you!
(laughing)
That's a scream.
Ha, ha.
Oh, now, honey, you must admit it's pretty funny.
Look, I'll admit I'm old enough to be his... sister...
but his being in love with me isn't that funny.
You fell in love with me once, you know.
I sure did, sweetheart.
(phone rings)
Hello.
Oh, hello, Peggy.
Oh, Peggy, I don't know what you're...
Well, Peggy, I didn't mean to...
Oh, well, now, dear, you're jumping to concl...
But, Peggy, I...
Hello, Peggy?
Peggy?
Peggy is coming over.
What for?
She says now that I've taken Arthur away from her,
she ought to get you.
Well, why didn't you tell her not to come over?
I couldn't get a word in edgewise.
(phone rings)
No, no, no, I'll get it this time.
Now, listen here, Peggy...
Oh, hello, Arthur.
Yeah, I know, Arthur.
Well, now, look, after all...
Now, look, Arthur, you can't...
Arthur?
Arthur!
Arthur is coming over, too.
Oh, no.
Yeah. He said he wants
to have a man-to-man talk with me about you.
Oh, swell, here we are in the middle of a four-sided triangle.
And it's all your fault.
This never would've happened
if you hadn't learned to play that lousy conga drum.
Never mind that.
We got to figure a way to discourage them.
Well, pointing up that we're too old for them won't work.
I tried that with Peggy.
Didn't make the slightest impression.
Well, maybe, uh, you didn't make us old enough.
Hey, you know...
maybe you got something there, Grandpa.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's what I mean, Grandma.
Hey, come on, we've got a lot of aging to do.
(chuckling): Okay.
Well...
How is this?
That's pretty good
but you can't talk with such a young voice.
Oh. Uh...
(older voice): ls this any better?
Yeah, that's better
but don't tell me a man your age still has teeth.
Oh, uh...
ls this all right, Grandma?
Oh, no!
I used to think I'd enjoy growing old with you
but after this preview, you'd better grow old alone.
Never mind that.
Listen, how about you?
You don't look very old.
Oh, don't worry about me.
I have a few plans.
(older voice): I may misplace my teeth, too.
Well, that'll help.
Yeah, kiss me, Grandpa.
All right.
(doorbell buzzes)
Ooh, there's one of them now.
- Get out of sight. - All right.
Mrs. Ricardo, this is a terrible thing
that you've done to me.
I'm disappointed in you.
Oh, well, girlie, I'm so sorry.
Sit down, we'll have a little talk.
- What? - Oh, pardon me.
Oh, dear, I always forget those things.
There, now, sit down.
We'll have a girl-to-girl talk.
Those teeth, aren't they yours?
Well, they sure are.
I made the last payment two months ago.
Gosh, you're even older than I thought.
Well!
I can see why you're so afraid of losing Ricky.
But now that you've stolen Arthur,
I can't let that make
any difference to me.
Well, I think you're absolutely right.
You do?
Absolutely, Ricky is yours.
Gee, Mrs. Ricardo, thanks.
Oh, that's all right.
It's really nothing.
I'll get him for you.
Oh, Peggy, I-I-I must, uh, warn you.
You know, Ricky isn't as young as you think he is either.
Oh, don't try to scare me, Mrs. Ricardo.
I've seen him when he comes in for breakfast.
Oh, well, he's all put together by then.
"Put together"?
Oh, yeah. You should see him when he wakes up in the morning.
He's scattered all over the place.
Yeah, well, uh, you see
us show people know a lot of makeup tricks.
We can look young whenever we want to.
Oh, you can't frighten me.
Well, all right, Peggy, have it your way.
I'll turn him over to you.
I'll go get him.
Oh...
Ricky is mine at last.
Ah, hello, Peggy.
Oh, Ricky, you're...
Old man!
Yes, yes.
Isn't that wonderful?
We'll be so happy together.
But... Oh, but this must be some sort of a joke.
You must be Ricky Ricardo's father.
Oh, no, no, no.
It's me, all right...
(chuckles)
Yeah, the one and only Ricky Ricardo.
That's right, you show them, dear.
All right, Mother.
All right.
(off-key): ♪ Babalu! ♪
♪ Babalu, aye! ♪
(coughing)
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
What's the matter?
Wh-What's the matter?
Well, it's his rheumatism.
Rheumatism?
Yeah, he has very...
Put his legs up on the coffee table there, will you, dear?
That's right.
Be careful, now, when you pull them.
Look out, now.
Watch out.
(moaning)
That's right.
Yeah, now, jiggle them.
"Jiggle them"?
Yeah, you have to keep them moving,
or his arteries harden.
Go ahead, jiggle them.
I'll fill this up, dear.
Thank you.
(sighing)
Oh, dear, I-l don't understand this whole thing.
Your hair, Ricky, when did it get white?
Oh, oh, that's right.
You never saw my hair this way, did you?
No.
Well, you see,
I don't bother with the shoeblack at home.
Keep jiggling, Peggy. Please, keep jiggling.
Is that better?
Yes, that's better.
You know, you're a much better jiggler than Lucy.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Okay. All right.
I can't believe this whole thing.
Why, I just saw you at rehearsal yesterday,
dancing around and beating your conga drum.
Oh-oh, yes.
Well... I'm glad you saw that, yes.
That was my farewell performance.
Yeah, he's baba'd his last loo.
(doorbell buzzes)
Thank you. Thank you.
Oh, I'll get it.
Keep jiggling.
Yeah, keep jiggling, please.
Where's Mr. Ricardo?
Look, Mr. Ricardo
let's be adult about this.
Ay!
What happened to him?
He's old.
This is the first time we've seen him
without shoeblack on his hair.
Oh. Well, look, Mr. Ricardo...
Oh, Arthur, not another word.
I'm happy.
I have Peggy.
Yeah.
Keep jiggling, Peggy. Please, keep jiggling.
Go to Lucy, Arthur.
She's all yours.
Uh, we'll be very happy together, Arthur.
Of course, I'll miss the old gentleman.
He's the only one that knew
how to put the batteries in my hearing aid.
Your hearing aid?
Yes. You don't mind, do you?
Oh, no, no.
I still love you.
How's that?
I said, I still love you.
Oh, yes, sir, it sure does.
No!
I said, I still love you!
Oh, no. Oh, no, thanks.
Never touch the stuff.
Peggy: please, keep jiggling, please.
I never knew you wore glasses.
How's that?
The glasses!
I said, I never knew you wore glasses!
Oh, well, I don't really need them.
I can see just as well without them.
Hello, Arthur?
Arthur?
Where'd he go?
Oh!
Oh, there you are.
Gee, Arthur...
th-they're both falling apart.
Well, Mrs. Ricardo doesn't look so old.
She's kind of... well preserved.
At least her hair isn't white.
Oh, sonny, do you like my hair?
Yeah.
Well, here, you can have it.
(both screaming)
(both laughing)
(I Love Lucy theme music plays)
ANNOUNCER". The part of Peggy was played by Janet Waldo.
The part of Arthur was played by Dick Crenna.
I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.
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