(music)
(theme music playing)
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(theme music ending)
(door buzzer)
Hi.
Hi, Lucy. Hi, Lucy. You ready?
Hi, Rick. Yeah, almost.
Come on, Ricky, get your coat, honey.
Picture starts at 8:22.
Oh, honey, I-I think you better go alone.
I'm having nothing but problems with my new show.
Oh, Ricky, what kind of problems?
Well... it's a cavalcade of show business we're doing
and I'm-I'm having trouble finding some acts.
Oh, what kind of acts do you need, Ricky?
What kind of acts do you need?
Now, look, Lucy
we're not going to go all over this again.
You cannot be in the show.
Give me one good reason.
You have no talent.
Give me another good reason.
Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.
Look, honey, even if I wanted to put you in the show
I wouldn't be able to do it.
There's only two openings--
a ballet dancer and a pair of burlesque comics.
I'm a ballet dancer.
Well, I am, and I've had... I've had experience, too.
I-I-I was in a dance recital in high school--
"The Dance of the Flowers."
She has got nice stems.
LUCY: Thank you.
I was the only petunia that did a solo.
Look, Petunia, Madame Lamand--
the premier ballerina of the French Ballet--
is staging this number.
I hardly think that she would consider that training enough.
Well, then she'll just have to be shown.
I just happen to have that costume in my trunk
and I know that I can do that dance
just as well now as I did then.
Once you really know ballet, it never leaves you.
Lucy, I didn't know you were a ballet dancer.
For four years, I was never off my toes.
What am I going to do about her?
Have you ever thought of putting her in a large basket
and leaving her on somebody's doorstep?
(chuckling): No, that wouldn't work.
She's too smart; she'd find her way home.
Hey, Rick... (clears throat)
You know those comedians you want--
do they... do they really have to be, uh, burlesque comics?
You know, I did a very funny act years ago
with my partner, Ted Kertz.
Mertz and Kertz, the laugh twins.
Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.
Presenting Mertz and Kertz.
Well, if I ain't my ol... if it ain't my old friend, Fred.
How are you, Fred?
Well, if it ain't my old friend, Ted.
How are you, Ted?
Did you hear about the terrible accident
on the streetcar, Freddy?
No, I didn't hear about an accident
on the streetcar, Teddy.
You mean to tell me you didn't hear
about the accident on the streetcar, Teddy?
Mertz...
I'm Kertz.
Now I'm Mertz.
How are you, Rick?
They have to be burlesque comics.
Aw, pshaw, that's too bad.
Hey, by the way
what was the terrible accident on the streetcar?
(laughing)
Wouldn't you like to know?
No.
Well, I'll tell you anyway
but remember, this is my best gag
and you got to promise not to use it.
Okay, I promise.
What was the terrible accident on the streetcar, Fred?
Well, a man had his eye on a seat
and a woman sat on it.
(laughing)
What a pip-a-roo!
Remember now, you promised not to use it.
That's one promise I will never break.
Introducing Petunia Ricardo.
(music)
(piano playing "Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies")
(music ends)
Well?
Well, you'll do for the comic
but who am I going to get for the ballet dancer?
Oh, Ricky, you're mean.
Look, honey, you're not serious about this, are you?
I am, too.
Here I am with all this talent
bottled up inside of me
and you're always sitting on the cork.
Now, Lucy.
I'm gonna get in that show if it's the last thing I do.
Lucy, you're too young to die.
Whose side are you on?
ETHEL: Well...
I'm going to get in that show or my name isn't Lucy Ricardo.
What did you say, Clem?
Oh!
(laughing): Touche.
En garde!
I have just had a most exciting visit
with the wife of Monsieur Ricardo.
She is a very experienced dancer
and she will be your partner.
She is here now.
Come in, Madame Ricardo.
Entrez, entrez, entrez.
Come in, come in.
Mesdames et messieurs, Madame Ricardo.
Kiss the hand, Enchante, N'est-ce pas?
Now, first I think we will start
with a few limbering-up exercises.
I assume you know all the basic positions.
Uh, yeah, yeah.
All right, Ici, madame, ici.
Classe, en place.
All righty, class.
Now then, first position.
Bon, bon.
No, madame, further out.
No, madame, the toes... further out.
Madame, not that far out.
Now then, a plie.
And a one, a two, a three, a four
a five, a six, a seven, eight.
A one, a two, a three, a four, a five...
Stop, stop, stop.
Stop!
Fifth position.
Now then...
Plie.
And a one, a two, a three, a four
a five, a six, a seven, eight.
A one...
Tres bien, classe.
Petite battement.
And a one, a two, a three, a change.
A one, a two, a three, a change.
One, a two, a three, a change.
a one, a two...
(taps floor with cane)
Un moment, un moment.
Releve.
Tour en l'air.
A one, a two, a three, a four
a five, a six, a seven, eight.
A one, a two, a three, a four
a five, a six, a seven, eight.
A one, a two, a three, a four...
Enough! Enough!
Take a rest period!
Except Madame Ricardo.
Madame Ricardo, I am afraid
you have not quite had
the experience I had hoped for.
Well, I guess I am a little rusty.
I think we should go to the barre.
Oh, good, because I'm awful thirsty.
Madame...
This barre.
Oh, I thought you meant...
Take your place at the barre.
Feet in first position.
Now, in the first place
your posture is atrocious.
Shoulders back, hips under
stomach in, chest out
chin up, knees straight.
Now then, remembering all these things
raise the right leg even with the barre.
Even with the barre?
Even with the barre.
Now then, lower the leg
slowly to the floor.
Madame, the leg down, a bas.
A bas!
A bas.
A bas! A bas!
A bas!
A bas.
A bas, a bas.
A bas.
A-a-a bas!
A bas.
A bas!
A bas.
Where are you going?
No, no, no, no, there is much work to do.
There is?
Oui, you have great talent.
I have?
But there is much to do
to get you in shape for the opening.
Now then, at the barre
feet in first position.
Shoulders back, hips under
stomach in, chest out
chin up, knees straight.
Now then, plie.
500 times!
And a one, a two, a three, a four
a five, a six, a seven, eight...
(phone rings)
Hello.
Hello, Lucy. How are you feeling today?
Can you move yet?
Oh, yeah, I'm fine. As a matter of fact
I'm expecting my partner here any minute.
Your partner? I thought you gave up ballet.
Oh, I did; that was too much work.
No, I called the Lido Theater and asked them
to send over a comic to teach me a burlesque act.
(doorbell buzzes) Oh, somebody's at the door; maybe that's him.
I'll call you back later, Ethel.
Well, this must be the place.
(whistles)
Well, what time do the girls get here?
Uh, how do you do? I'm Mrs. Ricardo.
Oh, how do you do? Where's the fella
who wants me to teach him a bit?
Oh, right here.
Say, you're a nice-looking fella.
Thank you. You see, I have a wonderful chance
to get into a show if I can do a burlesque act.
Oh, I don't know about doing this bit with a dame.
These bit-bits are done by two men.
Well, couldn't you just pretend that I'm a man?
Okay, I got a good imagination.
Come here.
Here, this will help.
Try it on.
Okay.
Now, let's see.
What bit will we do?
How about "Slowly I turn"?
Slowly I turn?
What's that?
That's the name of the sketch.
Oh. Want to try it?
All right.
There isn't much to it.
What do I do?
Well, I'll be sitting here on this park bench here.
You come along, tell me I look down in the mouth.
Ask me if you can help.
Yeah, well, what happens then?
Well, the rest of it sort of takes care of itself.
Okay. Want to try it?
Yeah.
Uh, you look down in the mouth.
Can I help you?
Stranger, you have a kind face.
Would you like to hear my story?
Say, "Yeah."
Yeah.
Okay.
I wasn't always a bum.
Once I was handsome like you.
Then she came into my life.
It was love at first sight.
And we were married
and very happy
until one night, there came a knock at the door.
I opened it.
A stranger was there.
I vowed to make my home his home.
And that was the beginning of the end.
One night when I returned home from work
I found the usual note.
The stranger had stolen my wife away.
Then the search began.
I followed them all over the world
Until one day I saw them at Niagara Falls--
that beast and my lovely wife.
I never mention her name because when I do
everything turns black in front of me.
I'm possessed with a lust to kill.
That's why I never mention her name.
But it's the same as George Washington's wife.
Martha?
Martha... that's it, Martha.
Slowly I turned
step by step, inch by inch
I crept up on the beast
who had ruined my life.
I looked around for a rock.
I grab one, I let him have it.
Revenge was all I had on my mind. (screaming)
Stop it! Stop it!
Stop it!
What's the matter with you?
Oh.
Oh, you're not him.
No!
You're the one with the kind face.
Yeah!
I'm sorry.
I'm not well.
Well, that's all right, I understand.
I guess it might have been quite a shock to you thinking
about Martha.
Martha!
Slowly I turned
step by step
inch by inch, I crept up on him.
I looked around for another rock.
I grab it.
I let him have it once more.
Revenge, that's all I wanted.
Stop! Stop it!
Give me that thing.
What's the matter with you? Don't you remember me?
Oh, it's you.
Yeah, the one with the kind face.
I'm sorry.
I'm very weak.
I should have met you when I was stronger.
Yeah, you should have met me before you met Ma... Oh.
I almost said "Martha."
Slowly I turned
step by step, inch by inch.
I looked around for a rock.
I couldn't find one.
So, I grabbed a handful of Niagara Falls
and I let him have it.
Give me that thing.
That's enough of this.
I agree with you.
It's too much.
I'm ashamed of myself.
Well, you ought to be.
Look at me, I'm a mess.
That's a very strange way to react
just because you hear the name Martha.
Martha! Slowly I turned
step by step, inch by inch
I crept up on him.
I let him have it.
I let him... Drop it! Drop it!
On the floor?
No, let me have it.
Okay.
What's the matter with you?
Are you crazy or something?
You said to let you have it.
Oh!
Oh, you gotta...
You're a pretty good sport.
Here.
Now that you got the idea of the bit
you want to try it again?
Yeah, but this time, you be the one
with the kind face.
Okay.
(phone rings)
Hello.
Hello, Lucy, Fred just called me
and I think I ought to tell you before you get too involved
Ricky hired those burlesque comics.
Ew...
(Latin dance music playing)
Well, some opening night, huh?
Yes.
Too bad Lucy was so stubborn.
She wouldn't even come down.
Did you see Ricky?
Yeah, but he couldn't talk to me.
Something went wrong backstage.
One of the ballet dancers took sick, and they don't know
what they're going to do about the number.
Lucy knows that routine.
She learned it from Madame Lamand.
Gee, that would be a great break for her.
Yeah. But what a terrible trick to play on Ricky.
It is not.
She'll be fine.
I'm going to call her up
and tell her to come right now.
You go find Ricky
and tell him you've got another dancer.
All right.
(phone rings)
Hello.
Hello, Lucy, this is Ethel. I'm down at the club.
Yeah.
The most exciting thing just happened.
One of the performers just got sick
and can't do the act
and you're the only one that knows the routine.
Routine? You mean "Slowly I Turn"?
Yeah, all that turning stuff.
You learned it that day, didn't you?
I'll say. Uh, what about my partner?
Oh, he's here.
Okay, I'll get my costume on, and I'll be right down.
Well, hurry up. You'll just have time to make it.
Okay.
(playing song intro)
Linda flor de alborada
Te brotaste del suelo
Cuando la luz del cielo
Tu capullo besaba
De la rosa y el encanto
El penso que te ama tanto
Que ya loco de amor siente celos de la vez
Del aire, del sol.
Marta, capullito de rosa
Marta, del jardin linda flor
Dime que feliz mariposa
En tu caricia pulsa
Arriata del sol
Marta, que en tus claras pupilas
Brilla una aurora de amor
Marta, que en tus ojos azules
De infatigable candor
De buen huellos, adios.
Martha, rambling rose in the wildwood
Martha, with a fragrance divine
Rosebud of the days of my childhood
Watch you bloom in the wildwood
And I hope you'll be mine
Martha, now your eyes beam at twilight
Sparkling like the dew from a dawn
Martha, well, I live for your love-light
I awake with a sigh
And I find you are gone
Martha, Martha, Martha.
Ricky?
Well, hello, honey.
It's about time you got home.
Come in, dear.
Are you mad at me, honey?
Why, of course not, honey.
Are you sure?
Positive.
Come in, honey.
Ricky Ricardo!
Well, I guess I had it coming to me.
Now we're even.
Yeah.
(theme music playing)
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
ANNOUNCER: The burlesque comic was played by Frank Scannell.
The part of Madame Lamand was played by Mary Wickes.
I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.
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